She was finally going home!
She was anxious to get back home after being gone for a week. A lot had changed.
She hadn’t seen Bill since the night she was turned. She hadn’t felt the urge to see him.
She had had many conversations over the last week with both Eric and Godric about many different things. Foremost on her mind though was why she now felt differently about Bill. Even before they had found him in the midst of all that blood, and she had gone berserk, she had only had passing thoughts about him, never thoughts of ‘where’s my boyfriend’ though, more along the lines of ‘why don’t I have that happy, tingly feeling when I think about him any more.’
She got her answer. She wasn’t happy with the answer though since it made her have more questions. He had been controlling her thoughts and feelings through his blood connection with her! Whenever she thought about it she saw red it made her so angry! He KNEW how she felt about being ‘owned’, how she felt about being controlled yet he still did it!
She wanted vengeance!
According to her Maker her need for vengeance was a combination of her temper and being a vampire. Her conscience before wouldn’t let her do anything which might hurt another if she or those she cared about were not directly threatened. That filter wasn’t there any more. She still had a conscience but she was now able to see that sometimes violence is necessary to gain the necessary end. In this case the necessary end would be Compton’s demise. She saw this as necessary to her own recovery, her own survival. The death of an enemy was a worthy goal, no matter what her Christian upbringing said.
Godric had said that Bill’s, and Lorena’s, case would eventually be handed back over to vampire authority. If the magister, the vampire’s version of judge, jury and executioner, saw fit to allow it she could wield the stake which ended him. It surprised her greatly that she was actually looking forward to the day when she would be able to end her enemy thereby gaining a measure of her own security.
They had discussed what had happened in Bill’s room that night at length. He had explained why he had dragged her from the room even though there was blood everywhere! Vampire’s shouldn’t feed on the dead, it is disrespectful. He also didn’t want her to be implicated in the deaths that had occurred in that room and her going in there as she had wanted to would have implicated her whether it had been true or not.
Between learning things and spending time with both Godric and Eric she had had plenty of time to think.
When she met Bill that first night she had been intrigued by him but, looking back, she had jumped right into a relationship with him. She hadn’t taken the time to get to know him, find out if he was trustworthy.
She had finally told Godric about her human life, how difficult it had been, about her parents and how they’d died, how her brother wasn’t really much of a brother, about her Uncle but what she had talked about the most was Bill.
She told her Maker how they had met and what had happened afterward. How soon after that first meeting she had had his blood. She had been intrigued by Bill but that was mostly because she couldn’t hear his thoughts. She had finally felt ‘normal’ even though theirs was far from a normal relationship.
She told him of the arguments and disagreements they had had and how angry she would get at Bill, how she would, for some reason, always forgive him no matter what the transgression was.
She couldn’t understand how she could have gone from being her own person, dependent on no one, to hanging off his every word. She could remember times when she would see things clearly for a few moments then a sort of haze would cover what had been clear only moments before and she couldn’t remember what she had been thinking about.
Godric explained things to her.
Some people had very strong reactions to vampire blood, especially direct from the source. Some would be almost drunk from a mouthful or two but she had had at least two pints of blood, maybe more, that first time. True, most of it had gone into healing her of her various injuries but she distinctly remembered the side effects over the next few days.
Her senses, especially smell, were very acute. She had had dreams of him. She had more energy, a LOT more energy. Her libido was higher than ever before!
Before she had had his blood she had a temper, she was independent, she spent time with family and friends. After his blood, even when she managed to get angry with him, she forgave him and she didn’t know why. If anyone else had tried to hold her back or tell her what to say or how to feel she would have read them the riot act! With Bill it was almost like what she had seen glamoured fangbangers act but she couldn’t be glamoured. What had happened to her?
The answer was simple although she did not like it in the least! The answer was in the blood, he had been controlling her by controlling his blood within her. His blood controlled almost everything about her life!
His viewpoints suddenly became her viewpoints. She would never, on her own, have judged a person solely on what someone else told her. Her independent streak would have ensured she spent some time with that person and formed her own opinions, not simply taken someone’s word as law.
For example: she would have never condemned Eric just from the two times she had seen him before Dallas. The first time she had seen him she had thought him handsome and might have wanted to get to know him better if she had been left to her own devices but Bill, through his blood connection with her, had ensured she saw him in the poorest possible light so she wouldn’t go running to him, spend time with him, and possibly learn why he was really in Bon Temps.
She still didn’t know why he was there but currently she had no desire to see him, that is unless she wanted to end his pitiful existence, which she definitely did!
They had discussed Maker/child bonds and he had taught her how to tap into theirs and, by extension, her connection to Eric. It was comforting to know she had an unbreakable connection with both of them. They discovered that she also had a small connection with Eric on her own, thanks to the blood he had given for her turning. She could feel him faintly and he could command her in minor instances. They all preferred he not exert his influence over her unless circumstances demanded it but having the bond there, independent of Godric, was comforting none-the-less.
They had covered many different topics over the last week. She had learned a lot about herself and about what being a vampire who was turned after the Revelation meant. She still had to follow the vampire rules as they all did but she would be able to see her family and friends, spend time with them, have some sort of relationship with them. She wouldn’t have to leave the area in fear of being recognized and labeled a demon. Once she had her blood lust under total control she could even hold down a job if she wanted.
They had both given her plenty to think about.
Eric was so very different from the public persona everyone else saw. They were a lot alike. They were both wilful, stubborn and compassionate. She was quickly learning how much she really cared for him as more than just a ‘brother’.
She wanted an honest relationship with him, one where they talked, and listened, to each other. She wanted more than just a fuck buddy. So far she had found him to be honest and forthright with her. He was trustworthy and worthy of the respect she was giving him.
He respected her too! He asked her opinion on things, how she felt about certain vampires or people. He was everything she could have hoped for in a boyfriend. Best of all though, his mind was silent to her unless he purposely directed a thought at her.
The three of them could speak mind to mind if they chose to, which they frequently did when they were in the company of other vampires. She enjoyed the mind silence very much though.
That was the best part, so far, of being a vampire, her shields stayed up effortlessly. It took more effort to drop them than it did to keep them up.
Finally she felt like she belonged somewhere. It had taken her twenty-five years and becoming a vampire but she finally belonged!